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Fighting the Mirror...

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Hi. I'm Laura. I'm eighteen and live in Paris. My biggest passion is music, especially cello and singing. I also really like to write and draw in my spare time. On a more serious note, I was bulimic, now AN-binge purge subtype, and suffer from PTSD...but I'm doing my best to turn that chapter in my life :), and this blog is here to tell that story. This blog is not intended to be triggering, I apologise if you find it so.If you believe that you or someone you know may be suffering from an eating disorder, please check out these sites: NEDA (USA): http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/find-help-support; b-eat (UK): http://www.b-eat.co.uk/get-help/about-eating-disorders/ Something Fishy: http://www.something-fishy.orgAlternatively, if you just want to talk, my Ask box is open... I am here for every single one of you. Xo

IG : journey2recovered


Woke up and my left (injured) arm was in agony 😣 - I think this is clearly a sign that rowing may not be the best sport for me… 😔Went for a lovely, undemanding run across the park 🍃 next to my halls and watched the sun rise from the bridge🌅, then showered and headed off to a hearty breakfast of shreddies (cereal) 🌽 with the dining room yogurt (no idea of full, low fat or fat-free!) & berries🍇🍒, as well as a large portion of scrambled eggs 🐣 and two slices of thick toast with marmalade 🍊… All washed down with a regular cappuccino☕️😉. Heading off to a busy. Day of pharmacology lectures today… Excited cos I love chem-based stuff most of all ☺️.

 I am more and more convinced that recovery is about making choices. Not just one big decision to ‘recover’ but many little choices, every single day. And we have to keep making the right choices, over and over again in order to make progress. Until those choices become second nature.

Like the choice to bring lunh money to uni rather than ‘forgetting’ in order to miss out.
Like the choice of getting cooked breakfast as well as continental if you are hungry/need the energy.
Like the choice of still getting your favourite milk-and-coffee beverage when you find out the only have whole milk.

For now, these are conscious decisions.

But if we keep acting on them in the right way, then maybe, just maybe, we’ll be able to call ourselves in remission.

Woke up and my left (injured) arm was in agony 😣 - I think this is clearly a sign that rowing may not be the best sport for me… 😔Went for a lovely, undemanding run across the park 🍃 next to my halls and watched the sun rise from the bridge🌅, then showered and headed off to a hearty breakfast of shreddies (cereal) 🌽 with the dining room yogurt (no idea of full, low fat or fat-free!) & berries🍇🍒, as well as a large portion of scrambled eggs 🐣 and two slices of thick toast with marmalade 🍊… All washed down with a regular cappuccino☕️😉. Heading off to a busy. Day of pharmacology lectures today… Excited cos I love chem-based stuff most of all ☺️.

I am more and more convinced that recovery is about making choices. Not just one big decision to ‘recover’ but many little choices, every single day. And we have to keep making the right choices, over and over again in order to make progress. Until those choices become second nature.

Like the choice to bring lunh money to uni rather than ‘forgetting’ in order to miss out.

Like the choice of getting cooked breakfast as well as continental if you are hungry/need the energy.

Like the choice of still getting your favourite milk-and-coffee beverage when you find out the only have whole milk.

For now, these are conscious decisions.

But if we keep acting on them in the right way, then maybe, just maybe, we’ll be able to call ourselves in remission.

— 2 hours ago with 1 note
#beautiful  #ednosrecovery  #actuallyrecovery  #busy  #keepfighting  #freedom  #bulimia  #bulimiarecovery  #noquasiforme  #realrecovery  #choices  #chooserecovery  #running  #classes  #positive  #recoverforuni  #foodisfuel  #fight  #edrecovery  #sunrise  #anorexia 
Attention recovery blogs! →

everythingsjustw0nderful:

Lately, the #recovery tags have been full of posts about relapses and general triggering content. These posts can be harmful to anyone in recovery, and therefore we decided to form an #actuallyrecovery tag. Posts in this tag can either be positive (inspirational…

(via restor-ed)

— 12 hours ago with 54 notes
"

Anorexia will ruin your Christmas. It will ruin your birthday. Friend’s birthdays. Your weekly social outings. Cake day in your literature class at college. The pudding you always enjoyed after dinner in an evening.
Anorexia will ruin your wedding day. The upbringing of your children. Your relationship with your partner.
Anorexia will ruin your friends. Your family. Your lovers. Your children. Everyone you see.
Anorexia will ruin your hair. Your nails. Your circulation. Your body. Your bones. Your love. Your trust. Your self esteem. Your happiness.
Your life.

But one day
You’ll realise
You have the power
To ruin
Anorexia
Yourself

You will win.

You’ll get your friends back. Your family will smile when you accept a cookie. Your teachers will laugh when you light up the room with your healthy smile. Your children will love it when Mum bakes and shares it with them. Your partner will hug you and not feel bones but curves and still think you’re just as god damned beautiful as the first day he met you.

You’ll get your healthy hair back. You’ll get strong nails. You’ll be able to wear nice clothes in whatever god damned size your body wants to be. You’ll look in the mirror and fucking smile.

And it might take time. And you might relapse.
And that’s okay.

We all need time. We don’t always succeed straight away.

But trust me darling.
You’ll get your life back.
And it’ll be fucking worth it.

"

you will beat this - 

sexcatsandbooks

(via iwantrecovered)

(via turnanother-page)

— 15 hours ago with 1745 notes
#anorexia  #it's time to let go 

Find someone who understands your silence.

(Source: anonimouspoet, via dieteverything)

— 15 hours ago with 67482 notes
Dinner from the dining room today… chicken 🐔 with spicy sauce, beans, cabbage and tomatoes 🍅 with extra ketchup sauce 😊 followed by a granny apple 🍏 and toffee ice cream 🍦

I ate every bite 😜😍 !!! It was reeeeally good ☺️.

Today was the first day of lectures, I had a physiology lecture, two anatomy and an anatomy practical 😮. They went really well so I’m pleased… I also got to meet lots of people from my course which was really nice… I feel like things are really going well for me here. I’m really happy… And, perhaps most amazingly, food is barely in my thoughts right now. I mean, I think about it, but then I think how silly my thoughts are and eat anyway, and it’s barely a challenge anymore… I just eat what I feel like. And I am craving a lot of food, and ‘fear’ foods too…  

Tbh I’m not even feeling the need to post much at all, which is the first time I’ve felt that way in a looong time. I really feel like in terms of food at least I am moving on.

However, I do think in terms of exercise and compensating I still have some work to do. Today I went to rowing training for the first time in 2.5yrs, and I had to stop part way through because my injured arm hurt me… I was upset, mainly because my injury was triggered, but I have to confess a part of my anxiety was because the fact that I didn’t complete the workout and felt guilty about that… I didn’t act on my guilt so it’s okay, but it did surprise me. So now I know to watch out for that. I have always been an active person so I am not going to stop myself from doing something I love, but I know that I need to monitor myself and not let it become disordered. So, not everyday, and no more than a certain amount of time each day.

Dinner from the dining room today… chicken 🐔 with spicy sauce, beans, cabbage and tomatoes 🍅 with extra ketchup sauce 😊 followed by a granny apple 🍏 and toffee ice cream 🍦

I ate every bite 😜😍 !!! It was reeeeally good ☺️.

Today was the first day of lectures, I had a physiology lecture, two anatomy and an anatomy practical 😮. They went really well so I’m pleased… I also got to meet lots of people from my course which was really nice… I feel like things are really going well for me here. I’m really happy… And, perhaps most amazingly, food is barely in my thoughts right now. I mean, I think about it, but then I think how silly my thoughts are and eat anyway, and it’s barely a challenge anymore… I just eat what I feel like. And I am craving a lot of food, and ‘fear’ foods too…

Tbh I’m not even feeling the need to post much at all, which is the first time I’ve felt that way in a looong time. I really feel like in terms of food at least I am moving on.

However, I do think in terms of exercise and compensating I still have some work to do. Today I went to rowing training for the first time in 2.5yrs, and I had to stop part way through because my injured arm hurt me… I was upset, mainly because my injury was triggered, but I have to confess a part of my anxiety was because the fact that I didn’t complete the workout and felt guilty about that… I didn’t act on my guilt so it’s okay, but it did surprise me. So now I know to watch out for that. I have always been an active person so I am not going to stop myself from doing something I love, but I know that I need to monitor myself and not let it become disordered. So, not everyday, and no more than a certain amount of time each day.

— 16 hours ago with 4 notes
#exerciseaddiction  #ednosrecovery  #bulimiarecovery  #anorexiarecovery  #food  #freedom  #university  #noquasiforme  #cateredhalls  #realrecovery  #dinner  #rowing  #recoverforuni  #progress  #foodisfuel  #sport  #edrecovery  #bulimia  #exercise 

metamorphosisofmeg:

*goes to therapy*

*cries for an hour*

*goes home*

*cries for three more hours*

me every time.

(via paint-the-city-black)

— 16 hours ago with 70 notes
#ed recovery  #mental illness  #anorexia  #bulimia  #recoverforuni  #realrecovery 

Okay. Rowing was shit.

Basically the tendinitis injury I had before in my arm was triggered again about 2/3 of the way through the 5k test, so I had to stop.

So much for finally feeling better.

But at least my lectures went well… The afternoon one ended up being an exceptional independent study session so I’m actually heading back to halls for a radical session of homework & laundry procession. So yeah.

— 21 hours ago
#fuck  #rowing  #injury  #lectures  #first day  #first year  #university  #student life  #sport  #tendinitis 
Anonymous asked: what are ur gerd symptoms?


Answer:

- Stomach pain/burning due to increased acidity (especially at night)
- frequent burping & belching
- frequently unintentionally throwing up in my mouth
- chronic laryngitis & loss of voice due to acid on vocal chords

That’s all I can think of for the moment…

— 1 day ago

First lectures tomorrow! Got anatomy lecture, two cell biology lectures then an anatomy lecture :). I’m really keen to get into classes, which sounds really geeky but it’s true :D.

I’m doing rowing!!! I’m so excited, my first training session is tomorrow morning - erg session :).

I’m super excited cos last time I rowed was over two years ago, and I genuinely thought at one point that I would never be able to get back to a point where I could do so again… And now I can! So yeah, happy :)

— 1 day ago with 2 notes
#ed recovery  #university  #towibg  #classes  #first year  #fresher  #eating disorder  #early start  #happy  #freedom 
Anonymous asked: for how many years have you had gerd?


Answer:

Two or three I think?

— 2 days ago
Just some yums from yesterday… Had the chips at 3am!!! Tbh I have felt absolutely vile ever since I had those chips… Was wondering if they were perhaps fried in the same oil as chicken nuggets or something, and that now I have food poisoning? Idk… My stomach has felt really sicky all day 😣. Definitely staying in tonight, I feel dreadful… Besides I have an audition in the morning. 😞😞Eugh. #edrecovery #nightout #firstyear #university #eatingdisorder #fearfoods #control #noquasiforme #realrecovery #recoverforuni #sick #foodpoisoning #stomachcramps

Just some yums from yesterday… Had the chips at 3am!!! Tbh I have felt absolutely vile ever since I had those chips… Was wondering if they were perhaps fried in the same oil as chicken nuggets or something, and that now I have food poisoning? Idk… My stomach has felt really sicky all day 😣. Definitely staying in tonight, I feel dreadful… Besides I have an audition in the morning. 😞😞Eugh. #edrecovery #nightout #firstyear #university #eatingdisorder #fearfoods #control #noquasiforme #realrecovery #recoverforuni #sick #foodpoisoning #stomachcramps

— 4 days ago with 7 notes
#fearfoods  #control  #nightout  #foodpoisoning  #stomachcramps  #university  #noquasiforme  #realrecovery  #eatingdisorder  #sick  #firstyear  #recoverforuni  #edrecovery